Trying to remember Who I Really Am

Some Neale Donald Walsch influence here, heh?

Anyway. If everything goes as planned (but then again, it never does over here), I'll be flying over to Africa next Friday, stay in Johannesburg a day or two and then travel onward to Mozambique. Huh, cannot wait. I so much want to get away from this place, from this weather and this country. I've been through a kind of depression lately, and the way up appears to be a bit tricky. Everything seems rather pointless, superficial or about money and/or sex. I feel so tired because of the soap opera around me that I cannot sleep at nights so I spend my days mingering around, reading self-help books (well, and some grrreat plays) and sleeping when possible. Yesterday I found my long-lost creativity, it seems, and have written 2 (!!) poems since.

Nothing else is new, really. I visited Estonia for a week and it was same old, same old. I hardly met any friends, just went to cinema and theatre (on my own or with mom), and the most social event was the 20th birthday of my school in National Drama Theatre. It was really good and reminded me all the good stuff from high school days. The spirits and breathing of people from VHK (my dear school) is just something... undescribable. I don't know, being at the concert and get-together over there made me pretty happy. Which has not been usual last days, even weeks... But oh well. I should probably stop complaining and get on with myself, whatever passed me. After all, I'm a divine creating creature and everything that happens is of my own choice and creation anyway. If I didn't know how it is to be down, how would I know I am up and appreciate it?

3 Gold Medals from Winter Olympics for Estonia so far... I am from a skier's family, remember?

I don't like the way smoking makes me feel. So, hopefully I will not seriously start with it. Hopefully, I can stop before I really start.